“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens”
The main goal of every human in the journey through life is to be happy. Absolutely nothing was, is, or will be more important than this. The moment you start living to fulfill your own wellbeing, without making harm to no one (including yourself), your life will change forever.
Since we were kids, society has obliged us to comply with endless set of standards, including conduct, beauty, economics, you name it. Even, we get imposed the vocational aspirations that we should follow and anybody that choose outside of the box may well be called eccentric, crazy, or complicated.
These forced standards may cause confusion within the person’s instincts (what he/she feels from the heart that is good for the self) and what others believe to be right according to their very relative perspective of the “what ought to be”. This disparity often makes individuals to feel insecure and with low self-esteem because of the inability to fit in the environment and the fact that his/her ideas are never taken into account. And that’s the moment when unconsciously self-criticism starts, the worst judge ever.
Self-criticism is defined as “the thoughts an individual has of himself and the meaning that comes with these thoughts’’. It’s an analysis made of virtues and errors that usually jumps to negative conclusions of the self.
When you compare yourself to others and think about the things that didn’t go as expected, you create a mental habit that is self destructive that lowers your energy, your inner light. If you don’t accept your flaws and virtues, you will live unhappy and unfulfilled. Judging yourself feeds your suffering and treating yourself like this is useless.
For rooting out this habit, I recommend the following:
Make yourself AWARE of the judge that is within you.
You alone unconsciously backslide towards self-sabotage. It is not a coincidence that in your life you find constantly conduct patterns, you attract what you are. Only when you become aware of the self-critical, guilty thoughts that you make for yourself, you start removing them from your system.
When you have the slightest intention of self-judging, speak to yourself in a POSITIVE manner
This simple trick has helped me a lot. Every time that a negative thought comes to my mind, either if it’s against myself or another person, I get rid of it by thinking about an idea that is completely opposite. I repeat the positive thought twenty, forty, and a hundred times until I believe it. You’ll see that by making this simple exercise your mind will understand that it doesn’t want more of these kind of thoughts. And step by step, these thoughts will lose ground and eventually will completely disappear.
Mindfulness or total awareness is “the psychological process whereby we pay attention to internal and external experiences made at a given moment”. Bad thoughts are inevitable, but by focusing in the beauty of the here and now, you learn to stop worrying and blaming for the things that could have or will happen.
LOVE yourself more than anything
The most absolute feeling that you should feel is self-love, doesn’t matter how cliché this might sound. Treat yourself as your best friend, be fond and kind to your person, flatter yourself, you’ll see your light shining stronger. Love your imperfections, at the end of the day, if you don’t love them, who else will?
Don’t worry, get OCCUPIED!
Stop thinking about past mistakes. Connect with your inner self so you can understand who you really are and what your mission in this wonderful earthly life is. Identify your weaknesses and occupy yourself to improve them. Don’t worry about the past, because the ink is already dry.
Pamper your SPIRIT
How many times a day you take the time to do the things that make you vibrate? Start making activities that help you relax and fulfill with love and bliss. Find a hobby that gives a new approach to your life and that allows yourself to break the routine. Connect with nature, in it you’ll find the cure of all evils.
Small changes in the way of thinking and treating yourself could help you live better. Forget the excuses, the moment is now and the place is here. There is no tomorrow that is worth enough when it comes to connect with your inner light. Take away self-criticism from your mind and create the habit of rewarding yourself for every milestone you complete, for very small you think it is. This way, your inner and outer perceptions will change and you will become more friendly to yourself, and therefore more friendly with people around you. Like this, step by step, your world will become a better place.
Let judgment aside and you’ll live in fullness, this is your only mission!
By Fabiola Marquez Creative Director | WARIMBA
Article written for Mia Astral's Blog. To read the original article in spanish click the following link: http://miastral.com/no-busques-mas-defectos-guia-para-dejar-de-juzgarte/